Ok...I got a lot of good feedback about the tantrums business.
A few thoughts....
*In my classroom (and in life, too) I'm a big believer in natural consequences. Didn't do your homework? That's ok, you'll just need to use your recess time to do it. Didn't line up appropriately? That's ok, I have extra time to practice with you during recess. I have tried to keep with this with Will as much as possible. Sometimes, being that he's two, it just takes a long time to stick to it. I have to really stick to it...when it'd be A LOT easier to give in.
*Speaking of giving in, I sooooo don't want to raise THAT child. He needs and deserves consequences, procedures, rules, etc.
*Amid my google searches, I found something (was it from the summary of Happiest Toddler on the Block? I think so?) about echoing the toddler's feelings in words and tone. (Don't quote me exactly, but something along those lines.) This was an ah-ha moment for me...because I've noticed that we (RJ and I) do a lot of trying to distract and diffuse the situation. So when Will is about to launch into a tantrum, we're saying, "Will! Are you grumpy gus? Hey! Did you remember that we get fruit snacks when we get home?! That will be soooo fun!" ...ok, that was exaggerating, but you get the idea. Just think about that a moment. If you were totally mad, totally furious...and someone asked if you were being a "grumpy gus"....would that just MAKE YOU SOOOO MAD and want to hit them?! No wonder he's hitting us! ha! So, I've tried to do more, "Oh, you sound mad. I'll talk to you when you calm down." Then I carry on doing whatever and when he is mellow (as long as he's safe in the meantime), I say something like, "Oh good, you're calm now. You sounded mad." It seems to mellow us both out and help end the battle quickly. Of course, if there's a consequence that needs to happen, it does. Anyway...among that babble, did that make sense?
*I definitely think a large chunk of this phase is his age.
*A coworker mentioned today that I might have days with his toddler phase that are so hard, but that the teenage phase is also so hard, if not harder. I agree. At least with Will, I can mostly control the environment and keep him safe. Teenage years are SO HARD. There is so much out of anyone's control, so much going on during those years...the hormones, the social stuff, the friends, the family dynamics, school, jobs...etc. Being a teenager could really be a whole other post. I didn't mind my teenage years at the time, but man am I glad they are over. It's just such a hard time of life. I hope teenagers know that the hard times will pass, and life will be good!
*I've also tried to be less in a hurry. If we're going to the store, I've tried to take some time and have some fun with him. It's more just changing my frame of mind, because really, it's 4:00 and we have nowhere to be until bed at 8:00. We can take our time pointing out colors, shapes, letters. Bonus...I find when I do this, the rest of the night goes much smoother. He's had a chunk of undivided attention, we both enjoyed our time, and now he's ready and willing to listen and follow directions more.
*Um...I think that's all?
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LOVE this. I don't have a CLUE what we'll be getting into within the next couple of years and I really appreciate these thoughts.... They. Just. Make. Sense. And heaven knows, some of the info. I keep finding doesn't always click :)
ReplyDeleteI think that last one is HUGE. When you are rushed through the store and keep saying "stop it, quit it, knock it off" of course they are going to be grouchy! We've always loved shopping time because it's slow and engaged.
ReplyDeleteAnd, well, I'm in denial Sammy will ever be a teenager and that's where I love to be right now!
See, Katie? You're just fine. You know what you're doing, just like I already knew you did. It can just be hard to do it with your own kids because life really does get in the way sometimes. And everything you're doing now will not change once he becomes a teenager. It will be less of a struggle because he will already know exactly what to expect from you; exactly what kind of parent you are and he will have no expectation that you will deviate from that just because he's 14, you know? Sure it will still be hard, but you'll have a much easier time of it than "those" parents who decide when their kids become teenagers that now is the time to figure out how to be a parent.
ReplyDeleteI am right there with you, I had no idea 2 was so hard! My sister in-law told me I did the smart thing in having a baby before Walker turned two because if I would have waited I wouldn't want another baby.
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