Thursday, June 19, 2008

An epiphany....

Wow. I've always been baffled by the way we (most of us) treat strangers better than our own families. Like at the store, most people are polite, say all the common courtesies-please, thank you, excuse me, have a good day, etc. Then, to our own families we'll yell, say hurtful things, not wish them a good day, not even say goodbye when they leave!

Just now, I was sitting outside on my porch reading when I heard yelling across the way (we live in a townhouse, so across the way is not like a street or anything). This family always has their windows open and is always yelling it seems, and yelling harsh words.

Within a minute, I heard these phrases come out of the mom's mouth..."Shut the f--- up! Do you understand how f-ing pissed off I am right now? This is not funny. Get away from me or I'll go ballistic on you. Get f-ing outside!" (except, yes, she actually said those abbreviated words). She was yelling this at her CHILDREN-who are like 5 and 3 ish I'd guess. I don't know, maybe I just adore kids, and would never dream of talking to my class or my children this way, even in the utmost of frustrating situations...but WOW. Like really, people talk to their kids this way and think it's OK?!?! And it's no surprise that the kids tell each other to shut up and such all the time. They even talk to their DOG this way!

Maybe it's just me...but I really hope that when I (and all of you that read this!) get THAT upset, I would just say, "I need you to walk away from me and go play right now!" or something to that effect, then go do something on my own to cool off. Honestly, wow.

And I thought it was interesting that like 2 seconds later, the mom, grandma and kids came outside, chatting and eating....it just struck me like, this anger was no rare event. Obviously everyone recovered quickly enough to move on, so the children and probably talked to that way quite often.

I think my epiphany was just that when you lose your anger and treat your family that way, they will never really recover. Her children will remember those harsh words, and harsh tone, and I think it takes a LOT of caring and kindness to overcome that kind of behavior. And, I bet the grandma talked to the mom that way (because she still does, again the yelling and the window open...), and obviously the mom talks to the kids that way, and I'm willing to bet, a lot, that the children will talk to THEIR children that way, because they already talk to each other that way. Whew. Worth it? I think not.

Don't get me wrong, I am NO parenting expert, I am not even a parent! BUT, I do have a sense of how frustrated we can ALL get sometimes at each other, at children, etc. My point is NO MATTER how frustrated you are, there are acceptable ways to deal with the anger and there unacceptable ways as well. Clearly, there are implications for both and the above is obviously, I think, a VERY unacceptable (if not illegal!) way of dealing with anger.

Ok, I'm sorry for my ranting and soapbox-ing! But, it just struck me as so shocking and sad that I had to tell someone, and R.J.'s not home, so...to the blog it went! I hope I haven't offended anyone!

5 comments:

  1. Dude, those kids are going to grow up and treat people that same way. It will be a sad and vicious cycle. They will have self-esteem issues, anger issues and self-control issues to say the least. I feel so sorry for them. Being a parent is certainly frustrating at times but part of being an adult/parent is controlling the situation by controlling YOURSELF. I've often gone into the bathroom and locked the door for a breather, telling my kids I needed a Mommy timeout. Children learn by example and she is setting a poor poor example. Sorry you have to hear it!

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  2. What %$@*ing right do you have to judge.... J/K I totally agree with you! I actually caught myself yelling at Matt the other day for something stupid and felt really guilty. You'd think we would all treat those we love the most with the most respect. But obviously our society is a long way from there. Thanks for the reminder and self check Katie. It is always appreciated. (Just think, in the winter the windows won't be open and you won't have to hear it as much)

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  3. I am there with ya, Katie- I was at Wal-Mart (I know- 'nuff said) the other day and a little girl hit her younger brother and the mom grabs the little girl and hits her hand and yells "YOU DON'T HIT YOUR BROTHER!" Niiiiiice......

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  4. That just makes me boil. I say we toilet paper her house.

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  5. I think the verbal abuse is just as awful as physical. You are nicer than me, i would call child services so they could check them out. You never know. Plus, maybe it would make the mom and g-ma think twice! Seriously.

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