This is kinda how I feel about Pinterest. I see the efficiency of "pinning" things instead of crowding my bookmarks....but I seem to just be looking at everyone else's pins....and wanting everything! So far, I want about 8,000 outfits and wish I had an astronomical decorating budget....
So...maybe I'm sitting at my desk at school holding back the tears. Will is doing a trial run at his new child care place. As I closed the door, he looked at me and said, "Mama?" while tearing up. So I went to the car and lost it.
He will only be there 3 hours a day. It's a good place, with fun activities. BUT MAN! This is HARD.
I KNOW the grass is always greener. I do.
I KNOW I love my job.
I KNOW he's safe and cared for.
I KNOW we will both be ok.
I don't know what I would do if I came to a job where I sat at a desk all day, thinking about him. Luckily I'm busy from the moment I get here, so I don't sit and dwell in my worry.
But....AH. Still crying.
I hope, hope, hope I can someday be a stay-at-home mom.
Will and I like to walk home from church each week. We look for all kinds of treasures...bugs, rocks, "bage" (garbage), etc. He's starting to get a tad of an independence streak. If I try to do something he does not like, he'll say, "Stop!" which is more like, "Top!" and it's adorable.
So today, we were walking along and I reached my hand down. More often than not, he grabs it and we hold hands. Today, as I reached down, he said, "No, (s)top!" And it may have broken my heart just a tad. But of course we just walked along, side by side, hands to ourselves. A guy who was walking behind us caught up (we're on the slower side). As he passed he said, "He's already too old to hold your hand, eh?" I joked, "Apparently!"....while my heart broke just a tad more. Too old? My little baby? That man was totally right.
When we approached the front steps, Will started to take the first step. But, as he did, he reached his little hand up and grabbed onto mine for help. I smiled and my heart mended....he's not too old to hold my hand when he needs it.
P.S. Although this sounds strangely Love You Forever-ish...no, I will not be the crazy mom who sneaks into his bedroom when he's grown to hold him. (Sharon...I know you were thinking it!)
"I admit it's tempting to wish for the perfect boss, or the perfect parent, or the perfect outfit, but maybe the best any of us can do is not quit. Play the hand we've been given and accessorize the outfit we've got."
Well.... I've been up since 4:12 A.M. Why? Because my eyes popped open and my brain adjusted to realize that in 3 short hours (2, now) I'm going through the LDS temple for the first time. And, although I KNOW it's the right thing for me to do, and I'm ready....I'm still nervous! Just a new, unknown experience, you know?
Remember when I got baptized? Here comes the next adventure!
So, I couldn't get back to sleep and clicked a few blogs. Found this little gem. It's a good read, and the comments on it are interesting, too. Hope you enjoy.
First things first....loved William replying to Nick, "We're here because we can't find a girl that wants to date us..."
Next: Guest commentary tonight courtesy of Abbey, a fellow teacher...Jenny O., a college friend....Blaine, Jenny O.'s husband, and Angie....another college, reality tv-loving friend. We have a ridiculous amount of junk food in front of us, we're ready.
And....here we GOOOO!
-Ashley's still tiny....don't most contestants (?) gain weight? Lot o' drinkin! -purple eyeshadow Ash? -wow....family.... -brother's sweaty -Fiji's botrytis (ha, that was autocorrect for hottttt) -her sister is Ashley + a box of hair dye and a tattoo punch pass -Angie: "Well, sister's assertive, isn't she?!" -Jenny: "Satan's mistress!" -Blaine: "Who's this freak?!" -brother needs some shade -helllllo JP! -Swoobs for Ashley, apparently -a bit of Ashley's foreshadowing -tears! -"journey" count, courtesy of Angie: 7 -sister's HARSH -hello dad, AKA older Vince Vaughn -"much older than her"...how old are they both? I didn't think there was THAT big of a difference.... -Angie: "It is NOT up to you!" -sister...blah -Jenny: "What a b*tch!" -Go JP! -Listen to Your Heart playing in the background? Cheese! -the Brad reference was harsh -she doesn't want him to go home and worry about this?! -please be the next Bach -this sisterly fight is awkward -better with Brad? Blech. -tell her Ash! -Jenny: "She's just jealous." -Blaine's prediction: "sister will keep quiet when Ben comes, then she'll pick Ben...." -consensus around here: sister is Bitter Betty -is that sweat on Ben's shirt? -Ashley's overzealous now -dog voice....awkward. Wait until babies come -and brother comes to life -wow, Fiji must be humid -divorce= no wonder she's bitter...one big AHHA! from this group when that was revealed -her roll-up shorts....ew -oh Ben....that outfit.... -enough with the helicopters! -"Lubing each other up with mud" yikes! -"I wish I could reach lower..." ahhhh! -this talk is awkward -I think she wants to feel more for Ben than she does -Hum...I don't know about that love word -hello bug bite on her thigh -yikes push up swimsuit -JP was very sure about them... -they seem to have real conversations -JP's a big fan of the vneck -JP's I love you was way better -"You're the best boy ever..." but better than Ben??? -"Wanna lay down for a little bit?" easy there, JP! -bringing a gift= genius! -infatuated was her word....I think she has crazy chemistry with JP...not Ben so much.... -Shower scene -hello Neil! and his diamonds! -heart to heart with Neil -finally, a rail scene -more pink, and another vneck -black shorts, brown sandals?! As Blaine just said, "Better pick Ben." -ew...dress? Fringe? -Blaine: "That dress looks like she went through a paper shredder...." this boy has fashion sense! -Angie screams: "I can't handle this! My pulse is racing!" -Blaine: "I know, like 300 beats!" -those are Ben feet! -Angie just swore for the 12th time that she'll "never watch thus show again!" -oh she looks so worried -he's getting the ax -Abbey "It's like a car wreck." -OUCH -Angie "He's gonna need therapy" -Blaine "Would it be bad if he punched her?" -oh she should have stopped him -"I feel so blessed to be a part of your life..." blah. -Ben is calling her out! Yes! "I don't need you to sugar coat it." -bitter. But I don't blame him. -Abbey: "Ben and Bitter Betty can get together!" -sad boat exit -DID THE PLANE JUST FLY OVER HIM?!?!? -bless his broken heart -Blaine: "I didn't even know I was a blogger!" -and the m&ms just got opened, Blaine, "I'm so upset I gotta have them!" -ah, what if he turns her down?! -WHEW! JP looks goooood in a suit! -oh he is just so cute! -does this mean he won't be the bachelor? -Jenny: "Take that, sister!" -Abbey: "I think she's going to need therapy after all this....or maybe she needed therapy all along!" -Angie: "Well, poor Ben!" -Ahhh, the rollerskating music!
After the Final Rose: -Poor Ben -I always want to know how long the time table is between the last episode and the After the Final Rose. Anyone know? -love pinstriped suits...Chris looks nice -he had to go to a wedding after? Harsh -journey: 9 -Ben "Um...nice ring?" -Ashley's hair? -think Ben will be the next Bachelor? -she looks kinda conehead-ish -yep, he's still cute -oh his cute little wink -bring up the family drama! -Angie, RE: sister's glare: "Oh, she is going to make his life MISERABLE!" -what's the team cupcake thing? -Abbey: "Team cupcake, WTH?!" -all is well. -Think they'll last?
Ah....another season down. Now what am I going to blog about?!